z

Young Writers Society



Blame

by Kape 88


I wouldn’t have taken you
For someone who’s unfaithful
I wouldn’t have taken you
For someone I couldn’t trust
But now the tables turned
I’m uncovering all your lies
Left to clean up the mess
That you left me in

And I’m done
I’m done hurting
And I hope she never
Feels the way
I felt tonight
And I
I want to hate her
But she had no idea
What was going on
And now
You’re the only one
To blame

And I want to believe you
When you say she was the instigator
And I want to understand
Where you were coming from
And I want to blame myself
Thinking I pushed you on someone else
Because it hurts too bad
Being betrayed by you

But I’m done
I’m done hurting
And I hope she never
Feels the way
I felt tonight
And I
I want to hate her
But she had no idea
What was going on
And now
You’re the only one
To blame

And I won’t beat myself up anymore
And I won’t keep thinking that this is on her
And after all of the hurt and the pain
I found who is to blame

And I’m done
I’m done hurting
And I hope she never
Feels the way
I felt tonight
And I
I want to hate her
But she had no idea
What was going on
And now
You’re the only one
To blame

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160 Reviews

Points: 3925
Reviews: 160

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Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:54 am
Krupp wrote a review...



...So do you want only people who HAVE been cheated on to critique this?

I'm only joking of course. Either way you look at it, I suppose I'm qualified. I liked this one well enough. For something written so simply (Subject matter was simple anyway) it made the impression that anything written simply should; it pounds a single thought into the reader's head. And it does so with an emotion that can easily be understood.

Nice.




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33 Reviews

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Reviews: 33

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Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:04 pm
S.S. Rose wrote a review...



'Ello there. So...nice job, overall. I have a few issues to discuss, though.

Left to clean up the mess
That you left me in


I'm not sure if you repeated "left" purposefully, but I though it rather redundant. It detracted from the flow of the piece...so I'd recommend changing your wording a bit there.

And I want to believe you
When you say she was the instigator


I thought "instigator" was rather awkward...it stuck out like a sore thumb in a piece that is otherwise composed of simple, purposeful diction.

There wasn't much else wrong with it as far as grammar goes, but I thought that some of the phrasing was a little cliche and unoriginal. ("But now the tables [which should be table's] turned", for example)

I agree with Lordgluzman on the rhyming. It would be catchier (it is a song, after all) with more rhythm and rhyme, but if free verse floats your boat, then fine. All in all, good work. Keep writing!




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122 Reviews

Points: 2926
Reviews: 122

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Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:17 pm
lordgluzman says...



Ha, If this is about you keep strong. Honestly nobody (Except one) cheated on me. But they didn't exactly cheat they just liked another guy.

Anyways this song was good. But I was hoping to see at least a tiny bit of rhyming. But it's okay.





If you have a dream, you have a duty to make it come true.
— Marco Pierre White